Illustration: Peter C.Espina/GT

"Here are some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do: attend a sleepover, have a playdate, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, play any instrument other than the piano or violin, not play the piano or violin."

This is an excerpt from the world-famous and controversial book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother written by Amy Chua - the self-described tiger mother. In the book, Chua described her extremely strict Chinese way of upbringing and elaborated on "why Chinese mothers are superior."

Chua, a Chinese American who graduated from Harvard Law School and is now a professor at Yale Law School, triggered a heated debate between Chinese and Western parents when the book was published.

But this will smack those naysayers in the face: Her younger daughter Lulu is now studying at Harvard Law School; elder daughter Sophia is a Yale and Harvard graduate student and has landed a clerkship in US Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's office. The two daughters' success may justify the tiger mother's way of raising them.

Some Western parents seem to be too tolerant of their children. If kids fail in something they should have been capable of, these parents worry more about their kids' feelings, ignoring that the kids are not making enough efforts. And worryingly, this is also becoming a trend in China.

My 11-year-old cousin, for example, never gets to know her class rank after every test. In her primary school, releasing class rank to students and parents is forbidden. This is now a widely welcomed way to protect kids' self-esteem.

But there will be class ranks in high school, and there will even be city ranks in gaokao - China's national college entrance exams and one of the toughest exams worldwide. More importantly, these children will be cruelly ranked in society when they become grown-ups. 

It is true that parents and teachers need to protect kids' self-esteem, but the truth is the world will not always be a warm and cozy place in which kids can always get what they want in life.

The tiger mother has been accused of forcing her daughters to play the piano and violin and neglecting their own interests. But if children are totally free to make their own choices and follow their interests, many may easily give up in the end. After all, everyone prefers to relax other than make arduous efforts. But all great things worth pursuing require hard work. Few children have their innate interests, and parents should develop their kids' interests and tell them not to give up.

Still, many people would ask: "Life is short, so why should we push our children instead of giving them more freedom and happiness?" But what if such happiness means to let kids sit on the sofa and indulge in junk food and cartoons? This is what most children love to do, but it will not help their lives become better.

Self-regulation, targets and persistence may bring pain to kids in the short term, but these kids will definitely be happier than those who have been lazy and squandered their time in the end.

And it worked for the tiger mother. Chua's elder daughter Sophia wrote in an open letter published in the New York Post in 2011: "If I died tomorrow, I would die feeling I've lived my whole life at 110 percent. And for that, Tiger Mom, thank you."

The author is a reporter with the Global Times. liqingqing@globaltimes.com.cn