Attending a reunion? Leave judgment at the door

By Zhang Cheng Source:Global Times Published: 2012-8-31 20:30:03

Attending a reunion? Leave judgment at the door
Attending a reunion? Leave judgment at the door



"I am being sent to New York as a correspondent for the next three years." "I just bought another apartment in Beijing." "I'm going on a world tour next year." Upon hearing a stream of personal achievements such as these at a recent school reunion, I felt my blood pressure go up a little bit.

Have you had this experience? Attending a gathering of former classmates and feeling uncomfortable, unsuccessful, and even resentful when you hear others boast about their lives. I call it "Class Reunion Syndrome." Because of this, many people would rather go to the dentist than attend such an event.

Many 20-somethings who have only just walked out of the ivory towers are afraid of attending reunions because of fears that other classmates have better jobs and salaries to brag about. For 30-somethings, marital status is probably the key source of dread for those who wish to skip class reunions. Single men and women fear being made the subject of former classmates' water-cooler talk. Even if you are married, people may gossip about your spouse. "So-and-so married rich," and "Mr. Perfect is getting a divorce," are some of the potential whispers that haunt some people.

In Confucius' eyes, at 40, men should have no doubts about life; yet, at a class reunion, others' material gains and fruitful careers will make many men feel inadequate. For instance, one may be judged according to the brand of car he or she drives, or the location of his or her new apartment in Beijing. Is it located outside of the sixth ring road, or within the third ring road? Also, one may feel like a failure after hearing former classmates say, one after the other, that they have taken senior positions in their companies or government departments.

What turns a blissful reunion into a nightmare?

Unrealistic comparisons may be the main cause. As the Chinese economy has seen rapid growth, Chinese people's material lives have been enriched. In addition, Chinese have always attached great importance to social status. Many people believe that material abundance directly represents social status. For instance, some Chinese spend over 80 percent of their monthly income to buy an LV bag.

Another cause may be the loss of free will. From a young age, we are taught to be an obedient child at home, and a compliant student at school. We are taught to solve a math problem quickly and correctly, but have no idea why we need to solve it. When we lag behind at school, teachers compare us with so-called "good students" in class; parents compare us with "good boys or girls" from the neighborhood. The only goal is to succeed. From then on, we lose our free will until we are no longer able to think independently. We learn to please others, but we forget to follow our hearts.

We then take the prescribed path: find a decent job, buy an apartment and a car, get married, have a baby … before you turn 30. But we often don't know why we make these choices, which may explain why we feel uncomfortable at a class reunion when we learn that former classmates have achieved more than we have.

One of my friends told me a story about his class reunion, which took place last summer in Beijing during a heavy downpour. The storm paralyzed street traffic and the subway system. All of his classmates had to park their luxury cars on the side of the road, roll up their pants and walk to the restaurant. Everyone was soaked from head to toe, but the rain had cut through any heavy mood, and they spent the evening cheerfully reminiscing about school pranks which no one had recalled for years.

Maybe we all need such a "rainstorm" in mind when we attend a class reunion, to give up being vainglorious, materialistic. All in all, a class reunion is not a nightmare, but a gathering in which a group of people can fondly share old, even embarrassing, memories.

The author is a journalist based in Beijing. opinion@globaltimes.com.cn



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