A credit card atop the Xmas tree

Every Who far from Who-ville

Missed Christmas a lot...

So Far West of Who-ville

An opportunity was spot.

The Grinch stole Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. We all know the reason.

When he spied a fat man dressed in bright red

Visions of renminbi danced through his head.

The meaning of Santa, didn't matter at all

He lured all the people into a mall.

But, whatever the reason,

Culture gap or a jerk

He told the poor Whos: On Christmas you'll work,

Staring down from his desk with a sour, Grinchy frown

He said you are living in China, not in your hometown.

That means no Christmas bonus, no parties or wreaths

And no Spring Festival bonus 'cause you're not Chinese

2 mistress sisters (who are not twins) Excerpt from A Charlie Brown's Xiao-San Christmas

LUCY: I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or something like that.

CHARLIE: What do you want?

LUCY: Real estate.

SALLY: I have been extra good this year, so I have a long list of presents.

CHARLIE: (sighs) Oh, brother.

SALLY: If it seems too complicated, make it easy on yourself: just send money. How 'bout tens and twenties?

3 VPNs

A day or two ago

I thought I'd get online

Check my Facebook friends

I YouTube all the time

But oh my VPN

The servers have all dropped

My hometown paper is offline

Now my Gmail has been blocked

4 dodgey English teachers

The Little Modernista Boy

Come they told me, pa rum pum pum pum

Your visa we must see, ...

Your passport you must bring, ...

Or you can't keep working, ...

5 empty cabs

A day or two ago, I thought I'd take a ride

I waited by the curb, to catch a cab I tried.

Twenty minutes passed, a taxi finally stopped.

But someone ran in front of me, and in the door they popped.

6 journalist visas

"I'm here tonight to warn you, that you have yet a chance and hope of escaping Ms Chan's fate. A chance and hope of my procuring, Ebenezer."

Scrooge made bold to inquire what business brought the ghost there.

"Your welfare," said the Ghost. "Your reclamation, then. Take heed, and watch what you say and write."

7 line jumpers

Don't matter if you pout

Don't matter if you shout

Don't matter if you cry

I'm telling you why

No one waits their turn

In this whole town

8 bundles of fireworks

I'm dreaming of a silent Spring Fest'

Just like the ones I used to know.

Without gunfire ringing

Then I'd be sleeping.

I hear a war goin' on below.

9 children coughing

Twas the night before Christmas

And all through the town,

The children were wheezing,

Haze covered the ground.

Cyclists wore masks, runners fell down half-dead,

No one could see if the sun was overhead.

10 expats a-fleeing

I'll be home for Christmas

China's dead to me

Everyone knows, even on Weibo

Custer and Kitto are already free

Christmas Eve will find me

Far from this polluted gleam

I'll be home for Christmas

If only in my dreams

11 private digits

Frosty the snowman

Knew the heat was on that day,

He had had his fun

Now he had to run

Or he'd be locked away.

Frosty the snowman

Had to hurry on his way,

But said, "Laowai now,

Don't you cry,

I'll be back again some day."

Thumpetty thump thump...,

Look at Frosty go.

Thumpetty thump thump...,

No more lines of snow.

12 lion cubs

Elton John is coming to town!

We know who you've been meeting.

We know when you're on stage.

We don't care who you think is bad or good,

Or what dedications you make!