An elderly gay couple in Beijing have tested the Chinese public's sensibilities toward homosexuality after they live-twittered their wedding on January 30. The wedding was not sanctioned by the State, but a personal ceremony.

Inspired by the Hong Kong Big Love campaign, the couple, a retired history teacher who calls himself Da Bao ("big treasure"), and a bottled water delivery man known as Xiao Bao, ("small treasure"), posted their wedding pictures, intimate snapshots and videos on Weibo, China's version of Twitter. They soon have gathered over 12,000 fans and received tons of blessings, as well as some criticisms.

"There is nothing wrong with two elderly people falling into love," the couple posted. "If even two old men are brave enough to love, what are you young people waiting for?"

However, it was not long before Da Bao's unwanted drama entered their lives. Da Bao's son, from his first marriage to a woman, came to the wedding to humiliate the couple, kick over tables and attack the guests.

"It's disappointing that outsiders can bless us but not my own son. This heartless child is sabotaging our happiness," Da Bao wrote.

The drama highlights the hostility and misunderstanding Chinese society holds for elderly gay people. Homosexuality was illegal until 1997 and defined as mental disorder until 2001. Same-sex marriage is still not recognized in China and often causes a stir when gay couples openly hold ceremonies.

Prominent sexologist Zhang Beichuan has estimated that there are at least 30 million homosexual Chinese.

Coming out publicly is a risky step, and is even harder for elderly gay Chinese who have been burdened with discrimination and fear, closed themselves off from the society, and haunted by self-hate for decades.

As China is opening up to the outside world and homosexuality is becoming more and more widely accepted, a few elderly gay people are brave enough to come out to test the public's sensibilities. But they are pained by the lack of respect society affords them.

Li Yinhe, an outspoken sociologist, told the Global Times that the two elder gay men's behavior contributes to the visibility of gay groups.

"It proves that social pressure isn't so strong and public tolerance is improving," she said.

The couple declined the Global Times' interview, saying their hearts are broken and they do not want more extra attention.

Imprisoned for love

Even now, at 74 and with his memories beginning to fade, Xiao Shuang, also known as "Old Paris," recalls his painful experience of being jailed three times for homosexuality under "hooliganism" charges.

"Those years knocked all the self-confidence out of me and made me burdened with guilt and self-denying," Xiao told the Global Times.

The 1979 Criminal Law imposed sentences of up to seven years for "hooliganism," a vague term used to criminalize a wide range of behavior, including many consensual sexual activities, from group sex to sadomasochism to homosexuality.

At that time, rewards were paid for tips that led to the arrest of "hooligans." In 1977 Old Paris was jailed for three years after being turned in by one of his friends, caught in a gay bathhouse, after police interrogation. Later he was jailed under the same charge from 1982 to 1984 and from 1984 to 1986.

It wasn't till 1997 that China abolished the charge of hooliganism, effectively decriminalizing homosexuality. And Xiao found love later in life. In 2006, at the age of 67, Xiao met his boyfriend, then 31, in a park. The couple has been together for eight years now but Xiao said he has no intention of getting married.

"I am very pleased to see the society became more open and people's attitudes toward gay people is changing," Xiao said. "But I have to take my family's feelings into consideration."

Last year, a documentary exploring the lives of lesbian and gay people in China came out. As one of the subjects, Xiao shared a painful chapter in his life with the audience.

"For 58 years, I didn't know what I was. I thought I was a freak or a monster," he said. "It wasn't till now that I finally found out that I am nothing but a normal person. And there are a lot of people like me out there."

However, his mother could not understand him. She refused to have him hold her hand while she was dying.

"I begged for forgiveness, I told her there is nothing I can do in this life," he said with tears streaming from his eyes.

Pressure to marry

Even though "hooliganism" charges were relatively rare, there were many other negative factors preventing gay people from having a same-sex relationship. Many of them got married to opposite-sex partners after they hit 30, thanks to intense social pressure.

On the surface, it all looks good. They got married, have children and then grandchildren. But there is unbearable hidden loneliness waiting to be healed. Many of them do not come out to their family, but from time to time they sneak out to have unprotected encounters in public toilets and parks.

China has reported an increasing number of elderly men living with HIV/AIDS. The number of HIV-positive men aged over 60 was about 8.9 percent of the country's total population of HIV positive people in 2010, compared to only 2.2 percent in 2005, according to the Chinese Center for Disease Control and Prevention.

That is where volunteers like 70-year-old Zhang Ruihe step in. Zhang is the oldest volunteer for local lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community in Xi'an, Shaanxi Province for nine years. He helps to hand out literature on AIDS prevention, runs a hotline for homosexual people, and counsels elderly gay men at popular hot spots like bathhouses, parks, and bars on how to practice safe sex.

"For a generation that has been self-denying and tamping down their desires for so long, many of them make the most of their later years. They want to have as many gay friends as possible," Zhang told the Global Times.

"So I tell them, it is ok to have fun, but always do it safely," he continued.

Zhang did not join the LGBT community till he retired at 60. He said he felt like there had been a huge part missing in his life for the past 40 years. He came out to his wife five years ago.

One day she asked if he was gay. He said yes. And then she asked why he stayed married to her. He told her he was not going to abandon the family just because he likes guys.

"I also used the opportunity to tell her homosexuality is not a disease but a lifestyle, it is just like some people are left-handed, and some are right-handed," he said.

Coming out and making new friends took 20 years off his age, Zhang said. However, he has not come out to his two children.

Finding companionship

Like the movie Beginners that tells a story about a straight son and his dying gay father, many adult children find it hard to accept a gay father who wants to do something about the feelings he had repressed for decades. Zhou Shengjian, director of a gay advocacy group in Chongqing, is trying to help.

 "Education may promote a reduction in anti-homosexual prejudice among young people. They might find it hard to accept at the beginning, but in the end of the day, they respect their father's choice," Zhou told the Global Times.

"But with conditions of course," he continued. "As long as their father doesn't leave the family and sleep around they are fine with it," he continued.

As gay and lesbian people age, they are entering into a kind of dangerous isolation.

"What most of elderly gay men need is not money, but love and company," Zhou said.

About 10 years ago, Zhou wanted to borrow the idea from the US to open up a nursing home for Chinese elderly gay men. It is like a "gay utopia" where elderly gay people can avoid social discrimination and pressure and get good care. Similar projects exist in Europe, especially Germany, where young and old gay people share communities.

However, many elderly gay people also express concerns that they couldn't hide their sexuality any more if they moved into such a nursing home. The idea was soon abandoned as there was no official support and finances available.

Last year, Spain's first gay nursing home passed its first hurdle by getting land for the project in a Madrid suburb. China still has a long way to go.

But solutions are emerging. Zhou and his volunteer team are working on a one-to-one home-care network. Young volunteers pay visit to single elderly gay people regularly and call them on a daily basis.

"Many young gay people are attracted to charming older gay men and wiling to take care of them," Zhou said.

"But we have rules: no relationships. If they fall in love, the volunteer has to go," Zhou added.

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