I'd never thought it would come to this. I've always been proud (a bit over the edge, really) of Chinese cuisine, of its history, color and varied tastes. Never would I have thought that I'd go crazy for French fries.

There's no good place for junk food in China. Not American junk food, certainly.

I can get African sea abalone, crispy-skinned Peking duck, and desserts so delicate that they melt in your mouth.

I can get all that just downstairs. Yet I yearn for chopped up potato fried in hot oil, loaded with a thousand calories and a lot of fat.

How could I crave something like that? I feel ashamed. I miss a hearty breakfast at IHOP, pancakes with whipped cream.

I miss Cajun fries at Five Guys; or crispy fried chicken at Popeyes, or a chocolate swirl at Dairy Queen.

I'm ashamed to admit it in public, but secretly, these American junk foods haunt my dreams.

The worst part is that these foods are either really expensive or really rare in China.

I can hardly find even the most ordinary cheese here, whereas in the US, I once bought so many blocks of cheese on sale that by the end they started growing mold.

When I was in the US, whenever I missed Chinese food, I could cook it, because the ingredients were not hard to get.

But it is impossible to duplicate American junk food in a Chinese kitchen.

When I was in the US, I went out of my way to have Chinese food. I dreamed of floating wantons. I wished a thousand times that I could open the door and see a chuanr or luzhu stand.

Now that I'm in China, these dreams came true, I began missing the junk food I despised.

Why can't we enjoy what we have at hand?

Why must we yearn for what's rare and difficult to come by?

I think that's our greedy nature.

Even though I know these foods aren't good for my health or weight, because I could no longer easily get them, I started craving them. In the end, I found a compromise. I found KFC and McDonald's.

Even though they are modified to please a Chinese stomach, they give me a piece of the taste I long for so much - the forbidden fruit I'm ashamed to enjoy.