Illustration: Luo Xuan/GT

 

When my uncle, 56, was suddenly diagnosed with advanced cancer, we knew his days were numbered.

His only daughter, three years older than me, was shocked after getting the news from her mother and left her busy job in Shanghai to rush to her hometown in Shandong Province, about 800 kilometers away.

I could feel the grief my cousin suffered, even through a phone call. Regret had completely consumed her.

She sobbed again and again, saying, "I regret missing so many opportunities to accompany him and show my filial piety. And I never thought this day would come so soon."

A well-known Chinese saying says, "A tree desires to stand still but the wind does not stop; a son desires to serve his parents but the parents cannot wait."

Sometimes, I resent the contradiction between some advanced traditional Chinese values and the behavior they promote. For example, though traditional Chinese values encourage children to show filial piety to parents, most Chinese children can feel the subtle "safe distance" between them and their parents. Affected by our culture, we are too shy to say "I love you" to our parents, which is quite common among Westerners and their parents. A sadder fact is that almost all of my surrounding friends, who are in their late 20s or early 30s, told me they have never given their parents a warm hug.

Looking back over the time I have spent with my parents, I either thought their love for me was annoying or I took this love for granted.

Even up to the day my cousin called me, I had not forgiven my father for the strict rules he imposed on me during my youth. When I entered senior high school, he prevented me from wearing tops without sleeves or having long hair for three whole years. Male classmates who called my home phone number was afraid of him, because he would intentionally shout at them to frighten them away.

I thought my father was overprotective, though he was only trying to protect his daughter based on his own experiences. I blamed him for my dull high school experience, which should have been wonderful, or at least a little adventuresome.

But as the saying goes, you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

At the moment, my cousin would not mind if her father continued to nag at her day after day, just as long as he could get out of his hospital bed and be healthy again.

What sweet days they are when you have a blood relative who cares for you so much.

I will always cherish the love-filled memories my father has given to me. Even now, every time I go home during the holidays, he still squeezes the toothpaste on to the toothbrush for me. It has been a habit of his for almost 25 years.

Whenever he visits my house in Beijing, he will not forget to carefully check if there is anything that needs to be fixed.

But I bet I have not left him as many warm moments to recall. My way to express my love seems to be limited to buying him shoes and clothes.

Why didn't I try squeezing the toothpaste for him once? Or, sacrifice some of my solo vacations so I could take him along with me to enjoy more time together?

Anyway, I have made a resolution to express my filial piety. And my first step will start with breaking through the ice to tell my parents I love them, and then give them a warm, warm hug.

This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.