Illustration: Luo Xuan/GT

When it comes to directions in Beijing, I have to say finding my way around is my Achilles' heel. No matter how many people try to teach me, I just can't get oriented.

When I first came to Beijing four years ago, everyone, including my husband, told me that it is extremely easy to understand the layout of the city. "Come on, you can figure it out in three months," said one of my friends, Xiang Qing. "Beijing is a square-shaped city. If you remember the central part of Beijing, which is Tiananmen Square, I cannot think of any reason for you to get lost."

Four years have gone by. Xiang was so wrong.

During these years, I've been taught many times to get my bearings according to the location of Tiananmen Square.

When my husband are going for a walk, and he asks which direction we are going, I scratch my head with both of my hands, and then whisper a hesitant answer: "East."

He says, "No." I make my second attempt. "Is that north?" Negative. The Q&A happens so often that it's just like a famous Broadway musical on an extended run.

If my husband lets me get off at Chaoyang Park to walk home and asks me which direction I should go, I don't know. I need a compass.

Being unable to find my way around and working as a journalist at the same time, the most difficult thing for me is finding the place to meet my interviewees.

Let me give a shameful example.

About two months ago, I called a gym about its exact location so that I could interview somebody face to face. A sweet female voice told me that the gym is 300 meters south of the subway station.

Guess what? I walked back and forth around the subway station, lost. When I called the employee there for help, the girl gave me more directions.

Forget it! I decided to fix the problem myself! So I went up to an old man, who looked kind and patient enough. "Do you know which way south is?" I asked. He lifted his eyebrows, smiling, "How old are you, sweetie?"

I immediately recognized that this was a very stupid question. "Uh, I am not very young, but not very old."

The old fellow was obviously amused by my direction question. "Let's say you are 25. How come you don't know your directions?" I slightly touched my forehead as if I were wiping away sweat. "Sir, I… I really have no idea."

"Okay. It is now 3 o'clock in the afternoon," he said, looking at his watch. "The sun is going to the west side of the sky, so do you know the answer?"

I pointed to another alley. "South might be this way," I answered, sheepishly.

"No! No! No! South is behind you! For heaven's sake," he said as he walked away. "Good luck!" He waved his wrinkled left hand, turning his back to me.

I am not surprised that the anecdote has become a tool for whenever my friends want to tease me. Of course I fight back every time. "That's nothing. The shortcoming shows that I definitely have other advantages," I said.

After my declaration, when we hang out, they will always play the same game called "Celine in Beijing." Poor me.

This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.