Illustration: Liu Rui/GT

Last week I mentioned Fox News commentator Bob Beckel's racist comment about Chinese who studied computer science in the US. I meant to call attention on the deteriorating Sino-US relationship. But the readers' feedback mainly focused on racism. And several readers pointed out that the Chinese could be racist too.

I think the readers are correct. When people who are usually victims of racism start to throw poisonous darts, it can be very sad. But having an honest and open discussion on the subject is important, if we are to make any progress in reducing racism.

In New York, the "melting pot," I've heard all sorts of derogatory words used by Chinese in reference to their non-Chinese neighbors, classmates, colleagues or customers. These Chinese are not jumping in the melting pot - they are not even near the stove.

The favorite word for many in the older generation of Cantonese immigrants is "ghosts" (gweilo) - "black ghosts" for black people, "white ghosts" for white people, or simply "ghosts" for anyone who doesn't look like Chinese.

The word is a little out-of-date for the new generation of immigrants from elsewhere in China. They prefer to use "foreigners" to refer to non-Chinese, especially Caucasians. It is a word that may look neutral and innocuous until you realize that it is being used by Chinese in the US for everyone else living in this country.

Other words like amigo have also been quickly picked up by Chinese restaurant or grocery store workers to refer to their Mexican co-workers. 

However, I cannot conclude that Chinese are racists, not because I am a Chinese myself, but because as a Chinese I understand the reasons for the poor vocabulary choices of my compatriots. It is more complicated than a simple question of hostility toward others.

It could be the persistence of an old habit. It could be the lack of fully understanding the connotation of a word. For instance, amigo is fine in many circumstances, after all it means friend. But used in the wrong situation and with the wrong tone it can be demeaning.

And it could be from fear and insecurity, which, many immigrants who live far away from home may have tasted more or less. When an old granny mumbles the word "ghosts," you can easily sense a shiver.

Sometimes, it could just be a narrow view of the world and an unpolished approach to others. When a Chinatown shop owner I am friendly with learned I was married to a Caucasian, he said: "Oh, God. Why did you marry a foreigner? If I knew you'd do this, I'd stop you. I hate foreigners. I used to work for a foreigner as a deliveryman. He has two restaurants, six wives and 11 kids." Instead of feeling offended, I couldn't help but laugh.

He came from a rural area of East China's Fujian Province and had been smuggled into the US. He didn't get much of an education. His words didn't make sense. But I prefer him to the people in ties and suits who hide their racism behind a politically correct smile and then in private unleash the most appalling comments.

Think about Donald Sterling, the troubled former owner of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball team. If his comments about black athletes behind their backs hadn't been secretly tape recorded by his girlfriend, who would have thought his racism was so gross?

Sometimes what look like racism on the surface may have a practical, albeit often misguided, reasoning underlying it.

For example, many older Chinese immigrants would oppose their children marrying non-Chinese. I talked to more than a dozen Chinese seniors whose children had "married out" for a story I did in 2010, and found many of them were unhappy because they couldn't communicate with their non-Chinese-speaking in-laws and they felt distant from their family.

Also, a few years ago, a Chinese restaurant in New York was sued for discrimination because their deliverymen refused to deliver to some mostly black neighborhoods. The deliverymen were just worried about their own safety, since several of their colleagues had been murdered in certain neighborhoods with high crime rates. 

And when recently the city authorities turned an abandoned hotel into a homeless shelter in Elmhurst, New York, the residents of the area, mostly Chinese, protested vehemently.

Racial barbs were exchanged between the residents, who were worried about the safety of their neighborhood, and the mainly black and Hispanic homeless people who thought they were being discriminated against.

Having said that, I think the complexity behind what appears to be racism does not only apply to the Chinese, but also to people from other racial groups too. But this doesn't mean a distasteful choice of words can be justified.

After all, when talking about racism, the reception of the listener is more important than the intention of the speaker.

To avoid hurting the feelings of other people, what you need to understand better is not your own mind but the sensibilities of others. Or, in the words of a reader, "If you want respect, then give respect." 

The author is a New York-based journalist. rong_xiaoqing@hotmail.com