Ancient bride price custom unsuited to modern China

By Chen Yueyang Source:Global Times Published: 2014-8-7 18:53:01

In mid-July, a Baoshan district resident sued his ex-fiancée and her family, demanding that they give back the bride price he paid before their engagement fell apart.

The bride price, a sort of reverse dowry that men pay their bride-to-be's family, included 250,000 yuan ($40,560) in cash, a 77,000 yuan diamond ring and several pieces of jewelry that the plaintiff, surnamed Jiang, described as family heirlooms, according to a report in the Jiefang Daily.

The court rejected the majority of the Jiang's demands due to lack of evidence, though it did order his ex-fiancée to repay him 120,000 yuan.

The bride price has long been a Chinese custom. Traditionally, it was made up of nine items, such as a comb, which symbolized a long life together, an abacus, which symbolized wealth, and a mirror, which symbolized eternal youth. The items were blessings of a sort, to express best wishes for the new couple.

Since the Zhou Dynasty (1046-256BC), the paying of the bride price has been one of the most important rites of marriage. According to Tang Dynasty (618-907) law, accepting the bride price made the marriage legitimate. In the age of arranged marriages, families exchanged a bride price and a dowry to cement the marriage and give both sides a stake in the new family.

The tradition has endured in modern Chinese society because it helps integrate the two sides of the family. However, Jiang's case raises questions about whether the custom is suited for modern society.

China's marriage law doesn't precisely define a bride price, or more importantly, how much of it should be returned if the couple breaks off the engagement. Consequently, disputes are common.

Typically, a bride price comes in the form of cash. But cash isn't the only thing a man gives his fiancée. There's also jewelry. However, tradition is unclear about whether jewelry counts. A man's fiancée and her family may see it as a gift that falls outside the scope of a bride price. That makes it difficult for a man to reclaim if the relationship falls apart.

In the court case, Jiang submitted a receipt for the diamond ring as evidence, but it wasn't enough because it didn't prove that actually he gave the ring to his ex-girlfriend. The decision left Jiang out 77,000 yuan. It might be difficult to sympathize with Jiang, but the story shows that paying a bride price in modern China adds an element of financial risk to an engagement that doesn't need to be there.

This financial risk didn't come up in the past because engaged couples weren't allowed to split up, except perhaps in rare circumstances.

In the past, a bride price was also affordable. Nowadays, many young couples are shut out of the "happily-ever-after" life because of the custom. According to some estimates, the average bride price in Shanghai is 100,000 yuan, and that doesn't even include the apartment that a man is supposed to own before approaching a woman about marriage.

According to the National Bureau of Statistics, Shanghai's per capita disposable income is 43,851 yuan. That means that if an average man saved every penny he didn't spend on necessities, it would still take him almost two and a half years to save up for a bride price.

The custom of exchanging a bride price and dowry has lost its original cultural meaning. It no longer cements anything. Instead, it has become a way of showing off wealth. The more a man gives, the more committed he seems. The more a woman gets, the more loved she appears to be. These price tags not only objectify men and women, but also pervert people's attitudes about love.

The old way of thinking might be prevalent, but it's not necessarily correct.

It's time to find a substitute for the bride price, and it should be the values of love and respect.

Posted in: Society, TwoCents

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