Illustration: Peter C. Espina/GT

Today, my day was completely ruined by a pair of pantyhose.

The offending stockings were bought brand new, at full-price, from a fancy department store. Inevitably, they tore almost immediately.

Ever since the first winter breeze arrived in Beijing, every woman in this city has been stocking up on pantyhose, despite the headaches they can cause.

These nuisances are, in brief:

1. They ladder and pill, and then you have to throw them away. Skirts and boots are basically pantyhose-killers, as their sharp fringes or metal embellishments will ladder the pantyhose.

2. They are too delicate to be thrown into a washing machine without pilling or laddering, and hand-washing in this weather is just brutal.

3. Some are too tight and some too loose. You can never find the perfect one. When they're too tight, it's like your legs are being suffocated. When they're not tight enough, they risk falling down to your ankles. Customers are not allowed to try on pantyhose at a store before purchasing, so the odds are, you'll have countless pairs sitting at home in your wardrobe that don't quite fit right.

4. They easily lose their elasticity.

5. During winter, when there's static electricity everywhere, a pair of pantyhose attracts all sorts of flotsam, which makes your legs itchy as hell.

6. When it comes to choosing a pair of stockings, there is a thin line between looking like a chic IT girl and a total loser. It's a fine science, requiring one to endure countless fashion faux pas until you finally stumble upon the perfect pair. Thickness, fabric and length are all crucial considerations. Keep in mind the image that you hope to project: classic black and leopard print say very different things.

7. Despite claims to the contrary, they don't really keep you warm in the winter. No matter how high-tech or thick the fabric of your pantyhose, they are not warmer than a pair of pants. Also, if you do choose to wear pantyhose in the winter, be prepared to be endlessly nagged by your mother, who will insist that your choice of pantyhose over pants will lead to you contracting hypothermia.

8. In the advertising materials, stockings always seem to flatter a woman's legs. They never look so good in real life, because your legs are not toned like a model's. You want to feel like you're Jennifer Anniston, sexily putting on the stockings without any problem at all. In reality, it's a lot of struggling, squeezing and wriggling. 

And yet, your pantyhose collection grows ever larger. Do they really make a woman's calves look more taut, smoother and sexier?

For many of us, the idea that they do is enough to convince us to buy more, in spite of all evidence to the contrary, and the hassles that come with wearing them.

This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.