Increasingly more Chinese students are studying abroad, a large number of whom live with host families. Photo: IC
Chloe Cai, 16, will never forget the great despair she felt on the night she got trapped in the snow in the US. She could not get a taxi and was hoping that her host family would make the 30-minute drive to pick her up. But they didn't. She ended up waiting for a bus to come. "I did not feel the warmth from my host family at all," said Cai.
One of the growing numbers of Chinese students who resort to staying with a host family to study abroad, Cai moved to the US at 13 in 2013 and lived with three different host families in as many years.
According to a report from ftchinese.com on June 20, statistics from the Institute of International Education, a non-profit that focuses on international student exchange, Chinese students are now entering schools abroad at a younger age. From 2004 to 2015, the number of Chinese students with F-1 international student visas studying in American high schools increased a hundredfold, rising from 433 to 43,000.
According to Wang Meng, a senior consultant at Meten English, a training center for learning English and studying abroad, as the overall numbers grew, so too did the number of host family programs.
"More Chinese parents now send their kids abroad at an earlier age," said Wang. "Since most of them are under 18, they need a legal guardian overseas, which means host families are a must."
He said staying with a host family is also preferred by many students over 18 because they offer an "English language atmosphere, homey warmth, and native culture."
However, the reality is far from easy. Cultural and lifestyle differences between the Chinese students and their host families have caused many conflicts with problems ranging from different dining habits and relationship expectations to the usage of electronic devices and household duties.
Cultural and lifestyle differences sometimes impede Chinese students' ability to assimilate into the Western family structure. Photo: IC
Conflicts caused by different culture
According to Cai, she did not enjoy her stay with her first host family: a middle-aged couple and their kid.
Like many of her Chinese peers, Cai would lock herself in her room as soon as she finished dinner to watch some popular TV shows online and enjoy some alone time, but her host family could not understand her behavior and wondered whether she was suffering from depression.
"I guess one reason we could not get along was they thought I did not like them and hated communicating with them," said Cai.
Another problem was that Cai was used to eating her meals at a set time, while her host family was a bit more relaxed about mealtimes.
"Sometimes they had dinner at 9 or 10 pm, and sometimes they would simply tell me there would be no dinner at 10 pm, after I had waited the whole evening for dinner. There was nothing I could do about it. I could only put up with it," said Cai.
Things did not improve much with Cai's second host family: a young couple.
"They hated to be bothered in any way, so I just stayed in my room. Similarly, they could not offer meals on time, which is very common for most host families in the US."
By contrast, Cai's life with her third host family is a delight. She lives with a lady in her 60s. "She has 10 years of experience dealing with overseas students, so she understands that I enjoy hanging out in my room, and she cooks well."
She said cultural and lifestyle differences often play a significant role in the grievances between host families and students.
"Most of my friends, like me, did not enjoy their life with their host families because we could not understand but have to live with some of their habits," she said.
According to Cai, a lot of the host families in the US are lower-middle class and have a very thrifty life.
"They only allowed me to use the washing machine once a week, and I had to wash my clothes together with theirs," Cai said. "Also, they did not drop us off or pick us up from school, so we had to call a taxi, which would cost us $ 20 to $30 per trip."
But cultural maladjustment can be felt from both sides. Christina James, who has been hosting international students for over two years, said there needs to be an adjustment period for both host and student. "I have hosted three Chinese students," she said. "We did not encounter huge cultural clashes, although I did find I needed a period of time to adjust."
James said the Chinese students did not say "thank you" often, usually stayed in their rooms, and did not make the first move when communicating. But "they are good kids."
"They are more introverted compared with our kids. Maybe it's because they are raised in a more reserved culture," James said. "But it did make me feel uncomfortable when they did not say 'thank you' when I was expecting one."
Something learned
Different cultures and values can lead to unpleasant experiences, but for some overseas students, many lessons abound.
"Back in my home, I was not used to hugging. I guess for most Chinese, hugging is not considered as a common method to solve problems, but I have found it quite effective as a problem-solving method from my host family," said Jason Zhang, who went to Canada when he was 16.
Zhang said whenever something unpleasant happens, for example, when his host's kid does not do well in their exams or has a really bad day, they would hug him. When something exciting happened, they would also hug each other to celebrate. Hugging has become an instinct for them to let each other feel their love and support, he said.
"For us Chinese, family members and friends also care for each other, but we normally express our love and care in a more implicit way," Zhang said.
"I believe it would be a good idea to transplant 'the hugging culture' to China. I have tried it, and it turned out well. I went back home from Canada and hugged my parents because I missed them a lot, and they were very shocked but unimaginably happy because I had not hugged them for years."
Chinese students can learn a lot from their Western host families to help them adjust to the culture and society better, said Zhang Fan, the vice president of Global Intellect Consulting and Academy, who has been in the overseas study business for over 12 years.
"Although the host families differ, generally the children will learn to be more independent, self-sufficient, and outdoorsy from their Western host families," he said.
Different cultures can fuse and supplement each other.
Wang Yawen, who went to the US at 18 and lived with a host family for a period, agrees.
"For me, the most important lesson I have learned is to be more inclusive. My host families are fans of Chinese. They are very enthusiastic about learning Chinese characters and culture. So, inspired by them, I am also eager to learn languages and cultures from other countries."
Spoiled children?
The reputation of overseas Chinese students has been tarnished in recent years. They are depicted in the media as leading extravagant and idle lifestyles, buying luxury items, gambling, and partying hard.
This phenomenon also shows that some young Chinese students are lost in the cultural differences, and cannot fit in the local society, said Zhang Fan.
In 2011, Darcy Holdorf, an American journalism student at Ohio University, shadowed a group of overseas Chinese students in the US for a photo project. One of the photos, which featured a group of Chinese students play mahjong, sparked fierce criticism from both the Chinese and Western society. People criticized the Chinese students for just living the high life and not studying.
For Holdorf, the images illustrate the students' inability to adapt.
They are only around 18 years old, and suddenly they are being thrown into an entirely different world, which can cause culture shock, Holdorf said.
Most of the Chinese students don't play mahjong at all in China. Mahjong is just a Chinese thing that can pull them together to hang out and miss their home together in the strange country that is the US, she added.
Young students studying abroad have become a second source of income for some Chinese living in the US, as the law requires students under 18 to have a guardian.
Many parents of overseas students prefer securing a Chinese guardian for their kids in the hope that the shared language will make their children more comfortable and ease communication, a February China Youth Daily report said.
Chinese host families are also popular among Chinese students studying overseas, said Bian Shihao, a 21-year-old who moved to Canada when he was 18.
"Living with Chinese host families, I can feast myself on authentic Chinese food, such as delicious hot pot and barbecue, while in a foreign country."
Zhang Fan said although having a Chinese guardian or living in a Chinese host family can make communication easier and smooth the transition process, it's better for Chinese students to assimilate into the Western society and culture early to really learn from the overseas experience. "I think the students need to find every opportunity to blend in. The conflicts can stress out the students, but if adjustments are well made, they have no further problems."
He added that based on his observations, after they have been in the US for a while, many Chinese students assimilate and change, becoming more social, extroverted and independent. "The key is to brave it out, and fit in with the local community."