Although classes help, children's EQ still needs to be gradually cultivated during daily life, experts say. Photo: Li Hao/GT

Hou Jinyan, a 44-year-old mother in Beijing, has been worried about her 11-year-old daughter Xiaoning (pseudonym) for a long time. Her worries are not based on her child's academic achievements; her daughter is very smart and makes high marks in examinations at school. 

However, Xiaoning seemed to have trouble getting along with her peers. Noticing her ongoing struggle with socialization, Hou began to think her daughter might have a low emotional quotient (EQ). As a result, Hou signed Xiaoning up for a special class designed to help increase children's EQ; the training cost 5,000 yuan ($750) for 20 classes.

EQ includes confidence, emotion management, self-discipline, initiative, compression resistance, problem solving, empathy, social interaction and team leadership, said Liu Yang, a teacher and counselor at Huichengzhang EQ Development, a Beijing-based EQ education organization for children and their families. She said Xiaoning may lack empathy, one important index to measure EQ.

Liu said EQ classes in China have grown in popularity in recent years. Many Chinese parents want to help their children grow in areas such as speaking confidently in public and getting along with peers better.

Hou said Xiaoning did not listen to others' opinions and was very self-centered. She had many conflicts with her peers during teamwork at school, which made Hou worry about her future social life. Also she had problems in family life. One time Hou's family drove to their suburb apartment for the weekend and Xiaoning forgot to bring her homework. Her father spent three hours on the road going back to retrieve the papers. "I was disappointed to find out that my daughter didn't feel sorry or thankful for what her father did, instead she was impatient and angry about her father being too slow," Hou said.

According to Liu, teachers in EQ classes usually educate students by playing games and acting out scenes where students play a role in different situations. After playing, teachers will ask students to explain the meaning of the role and compare it to their own experiences to identify how to solve similar situations in the future.

"The EQ class focuses on cultivating three modes of EQ including emotion, thinking and behavior. Emotions and way of thinking are the essence of EQ. Many parents only see their child's behavior, which is on the surface. We need to improve and help students' EQ by cultivating their emotional and thinking mode, such as teaching them to identify their emotions. We also teach them how to control their emotions by singing, writing or talking about their negative feelings. When children gain a better control of their emotions, thinking and behavior, empathy, confidence improve with it to represent a higher EQ," said Liu.

According to Hou, the classes improved her daughter's EQ a lot and she was glad to see her daughter making more friends. In addition, she thought the EQ classes also further improved her daughter's academic performance.

"Kids will improve their psychological quality and confidence when they have higher EQ, and confidence improves their learning skills," Hou said.

According to Hou, the reason her daughter had low EQ was from being spoiled by her parents and grandparents. Liu shared the same outlook. "Parents spoiling their children and showing too much love instead of discipline is one reason. Another reason is parents focusing too much on a child's academic performance rather than EQ cultivation," Liu said.

"Lack of confidence, concentration, emotional control and empathy can be viewed as low EQ," Liu said, adding that parents can not only rely on a class to cultivate and improve a child's EQ, but also need to lead their children as well, such as giving more encouragement and being aware of giving positive emotional support to their children in their daily life.

Hou agrees. She said she does not see EQ class as the only way out. "I need to keep learning myself and influence her by my own words and actions," said Hou.