Laowai love relationships

By Alok Joshi Source:Global Times Published: 2015-8-30 15:38:01

Illustration: Xia Qing/GT

I recently read an interesting and funny post by a foreigner on some website. The guy said that he is disappointed because he came to China thinking that Chinese girls are crazy about foreigners and he would be swarmed by sexy Chinese girls.

It is true that the new generation is attracted to all things Western, including foreigners and their lifestyle.

Although Chinese people are very nice and welcoming to foreigners, one cannot deny that the traditional, older generation looks at them with suspicion, and believes they are all here just to have fun.

Unfortunately, many foreigners come here with wrong notions about Chinese girls.

There is no doubt that modern Chinese girls are sweet but they are also educated, worldly-wise and smart. They are clear about their priorities in life. They may be wearing short, sexy dresses, that could seduce any guy, but on the inside, their traditional values are well-entrenched.

By the time a foreigner encounters them, many of them have been in a few relationships. They have learnt from their past experiences and can easily understand a foreigner's mind. It would be stupid of foreigners to underestimate them or take them for granted.

A friend of mine dated a Chinese girl for almost a year. He was heartbroken after reading some messages on the girl's mobile phone.

He could never have imagined that she was actually in love with another foreigner in a different city, and only using him as a time-passing replacement.

While dating a Chinese girl, one will notice that she will extract all possible information from a foreigner without giving him any idea of what's going on in her mind.

Some of them will even do thorough research before meeting a foreigner.

Also, language barriers can create havoc in such relationships. A foreigner needs to be sure the Chinese girl shares the same meaning for some English words like "fun," "open-minded," "drink," etc.

It is not uncommon to come across some Chinese girl showing off on social media with pictures of her foreign boyfriend, with the intention of impressing her friends or trying to make her ex-boyfriend jealous.

A foreigner, who was dating a Chinese girl, received threatening messages from her WeChat account. It was her ex-boyfriend who used her phone, warning my friend of dire consequences if he did not leave her alone. Sensing trouble, my friend quickly withdrew.

As it turned out, this girl was using the foreigner to get back at her ex-boyfriend who had strayed, and she succeeded. They are now married and have a baby.

This is not to say all Chinese girls are shrewd. In fact they are known to be very caring and warm-hearted. There are many examples of happy mixed marriages.

From a foreigner's perspective, they should not hurriedly jump into a relationship if they have no intentions of a long-term commitment.

Nor should they try to fool a girl thinking she is naïve.

From a Chinese girl's perspective, they need to know, understand and accept a person from a different background. Ideally, it is better for both sides to have a clear understanding about their intentions and expectations from a relationship, so that there is no misunderstanding or hurt later on.

This article was published on the Global Times Metropolitan section Two Cents page, a space for reader submissions, including opinion, humor and satire. The ideas expressed are those of the author alone, and do not represent the position of the Global Times.

Posted in: Twocents-Opinion

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