In a softly lit room decorated with colorful posters, dolls and toys, two toddlers quietly read cartoon books in the arms of their mothers. At a table, three young mothers eat salads while chatting with each other: "What vaccines should children under 3 take?" "When did your son learn to walk?" "What age should I teach my daughter to use chopsticks?"

Last Saturday, a few Chinese and Japanese mothers spent a relaxed afternoon at a cafe in Changning district together with their babies. The organizer of the party was Liu Yu, a mother of a 20-month-old boy and founder of Nicchu Mummy, a nonprofit group that holds monthly gatherings for young Chinese and Japanese mothers in Shanghai (the Japanese word "Nicchu" means "Japan-China").

After giving birth to a baby in 2014, Liu fruitlessly sought parent-child play groups or events in Shanghai to share childcare advice and experiences. "Most parent-child events in Shanghai are just about arts and craft activities, and most only welcome mothers with children aged above 3."

What Liu wanted was a platform where mothers of any ethnicity can talk about, and solve, the confusions and problems that they have had while raising children in Shanghai. "And personally, I want to know how Japanese mothers look after their babies," said the woman, whose husband is a Japanese.

So Liu decided to start a group herself. Last October, she founded Nicchu Mummy and organized gatherings for local and Japanese mothers. Her main concern - choosing the nationality issue of her baby - was the first thing she asked for help from the other mothers.

"Applying for Chinese nationality for my son or a Japanese one has troubled me for a long time," she said, adding that neither of the two countries allow dual nationality.

Luckily, Nicchu Mummy attracted many Japanese mothers whose husbands are Chinese. They told Liu that, according to Japanese policies, Japanese children with foreign nationalities can retain their Japanese nationality until the age of 20. "So I decide to apply for a Chinese nationality for him first, and meanwhile retain his Japanese nationality," Liu said. "When he is 20, it's up to him to choose one and give up the other."

Cross-cultural differences

Another problem that Liu had solved was language education. Like many bilingual families, she had no idea how to teach her baby two languages. "Should I teach my son Chinese first or Japanese first? Or should I simultaneously teach him both? I had long been confused by these questions," Liu told the Global Times.

At the Nicchu Mummy gatherings she was told to teach only one of the two languages before her son turned 3. "Many Japanese mothers said that a baby had better learn only one language first as his or her mother tongue."

The Chinese and Japanese mothers also used the gatherings to talk about the differences between the two countries in raising children. "If my daughter got sick, I would not give her injections," said a Japanese mother surnamed Suzuki. "But usually Chinese mothers will send their babies to hospital for injections."

Suzuki now lives in Shanghai with her Chinese husband and their 20-month-old daughter. She continues to work instead of being a housewife like many Japanese women. "Fortunately my Chinese parents-in-law help take care of my baby during the daytime," she told the Global Times. "In Japan, old people seldom help raise their children's babies."

At a recent Saturday gathering, Xu Xin, a Chinese mother of a 11-month-old baby nicknamed Chacha, grumbled about the high costs of raising children in Shanghai. "The same 78-count bag of diapers sells for 1,450 yen ($12) at stores in Japan, while at Shanghai supermarket it costs more than 120 yuan ($18.3)."

The multi-ethnic mothers also found many interesting differences in how their respective cultures raise children. For instance, Chinese mothers attach tremendous importance on their child's academic scores while Japanese mothers pay more attention to etiquette. "Japanese mothers ask their kids to always behave politely in public, but care less about how many points that they got in an exam," Liu observed.

Due to its growing popularity, Nicchu Mummy will continue to organize monthly gatherings. "The next event will be on February 27," Liu said, adding that in 2016 she plans to organize themed events including birthday parties and secondhand fairs.

Contact Liu for details (e-mail: nicchu2014@sina.com; WeChat: NicchuMummy). Admission is free.

Xu Xin (left) with her baby Chacha

 

Another Chinese mother with her baby in the recent Nicchu Mummy gathering

Photos: Huang Lanlan/GT

 
Newspaper headline: Nicchu mummy