Chinese women need to be aware that there are gay men looking to marry due to social or personal reasons. Photo: Li Hao/GT

Why does he never want to be intimate with me? It has been three months, but we still haven't had sex yet? Maybe, it's like the Hollywood movie, He Is Just Not That Into You.

"Or maybe, he's just not that into women," says Fan Yi (pseudonym), a woman whose former ex-boyfriend is homosexual.

Fan is a 26-year-old girl who met her ex-boyfriend on a dating website. "He was good-looking and stable, and most importantly, he said he wanted to marry me soon. I thought he was the one," said Fan. But right before she was supposed to get married, Fan found his erotic texts with his same-sex partner on his phone and gay sex toys.

"I want to share my experiences with other women, so they won't date or marry a man who is incapable of being attracted to them," added Fan.

According to a Xinhua News Agency report in 2013, 3 to 5 percent of Chinese are homosexuals. However, only around 5 percent of this number have come out as being openly gay, according to PFLAG (Parents, Families, Friends of Lesbians and Gays) of China.

Zhang Beichuan, who won a Barry-Martin Award in 2000 for his study in homosexuality and HIV, estimated in his blog that there are over 10 million women married to gay men in China.

"The reason why some gay men choose to marry women is mainly because the pressures from their family or work environment," said Hu Zhijun, the executive director of PFLAG of China.

Xiao Jie (pseudonym), 30-year-old, got divorced one year after she found her husband turned out to be gay. After Xiao had given birth to a son, her husband refused to even touch her and would even clean his face after she kissed him.

"I met my husband when my father was ill, I felt so helpless back then. I was moved by his comprehensive care for my family, so I entered into a quick marriage with him after we only knew each other five months," recalled Xiao.

A famous relationship blogger Yang Bingyang, said that in big cities, most couples don't know each other before they meet, so it can be hard for women to realize if the man they are on a date with is homosexual or not. This can be especially difficult if the man is trying to conceal the fact on purpose, or if he doesn't realize himself that he is gay.

"Most gay men tend to be more conscious about their looks and body shape, and they don't have much relationship with girls especially after college, because they have a deeper understanding of their sexual preference by then," said Yang.

"Women can also go to homosexual dating websites like blued.cn and zank.mobi to see if their date is active on those websites," added Yang.

Although gay men differ from person to person, Xiao believes gay men share some similar tendencies which women can recognize.

"Most gay men intend to get married very quickly when the start dating a women, because they don't want to waste time being romantic or spending unnecessary time with her," said Xiao.

"They are not as sexually keen as other men. The quickest way to test if your date is gay or not is through sex," added Xiao.

Hu sympathizes with women who marry gay men, but he thinks women sucked into such relationships also need to take some responsibility for their lack of discerning ability.

"Women need to ask their own heart if this man truly loves them. No matter what a gay man may fake, he can't fake true love," said Hu.

"After discovering that their boyfriend or husband was gay, some women hoped that these gay men would change their sexual preferences for the sake of their relationship. This thought is ridiculous and delusional, they can't change who they are," explains Hu.

"It is only when homosexuality is less discriminated against in society that such tragedies can be avoided."