By Michael Knapp

The students in my oral English classes recently practiced their English by discussing ways to improve social behavior. There were lots of creative suggestions, but one that stuck out was the need to educate people.

Locals and foreigners all know social problems exist. Even though most people are well mannered, plenty of uncivil people are still ruining this great country"s reputation. Those who spit in public, throw trash down and disregard traffic and safety rules are China"s biggest problem.

Yes, bigger than the economy, politics or anything else that makes a country appear developed. People may shop in expensive department stores, drive a Mercedes Benz, or even live in an expensive high-rise apartment building, but those are only material possessions.

Money, cars, houses are what we have. Behavior is who we are. In other words, it doesn"t really matter what people have if they don"t have a good character. As Jesus said: "What does it benefit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his own soul?"Civilized character isn"t something we"re born with. It must be taught.

Lots of Chinese say the public schools should teach more public behavior.

Teachers could demonstrate how to ride a bike or walk more safely. They could teach kids to put trash in the trashcan, yield seats to the elderly, wait their turn in line, and so on.

They should indeed be taught, but schools only have the power to impart knowledge. They can"t shape a child"s character. So, if the schools can"t – who can?

It doesn"t take a psychologist to understand that training begins at home. Kids learn more about manners, behavior and life at home than any institution can possibly provide.

Training a child doesn"t mean simply telling them what"s right or wrong. Schools and books can do that. Incompetent parents tell kids, "Do what I say, not what I do."

When your kid answers the phone and you instruct them to say, "My daddy"s not home,"even though you"re right there, don"t expect your kid to be honest just because you say, "Don"t tell lies."

I"ve seen Chinese parents teaching their kids to say "thanks"and to respect elderly people. I have watched sons imitate their dads by being little gentlemen and ladies greeting people politely because they"ve seen their moms do the same.

It"s encouraging to see so many parents raising kids to be civilized ladies and gentlemen.

I"ve also witnessed parents littering while walking with kids. I"ve seen too many moms and dads showing their kids how to dangerously dart through traffic, smoke in no-smoking areas, stare at foreigners and cut in line.

Parents taking kids to school on the back of their bikes is great, but when they ride right through red lights they not only endanger their children"s lives, but set a bad example. No wonder kids grow up disregarding the rules.

We try to teach our kids not to pick their noses, spit on the sidewalk and push in line. We want them to say "thank you,"but if we"re rude how can we expect kids to do better? If I have to be first into the subway car, or block elevator doors, what will my kids do?

Being considerate means recognizing I"m not the only person here. It means thinking about people around me, and teaching my kids, by example, to do the same. Before parking my bike I need to ask myself, "If I put it here, will it block other people"s bikes in?"

Some kids spend most of their time with grandparents or nannies. Parents are still responsible for the kind of example set for their kids.

We should respect elderly people, but if a grandparent were walking my kid across the street on the red pedestrian light or smoking in no-smoking areas with my child present, I"d certainly speak up.

I love my kids enough to not just stand by and do nothing.

How about a nanny? I"d have a serious talk with her about being a good example to my kids.

And if she continued pushing in line with my kid or not following the rules – well, nannies can be replaced, but my kids cannot.

Parents be careful – the next generation is watching you!

The author is an experienced English teacher in Beijing, author of Here They Come! Are You Ready? (China Machine Press, 2008)