Photo: IC

"That was too much for me. I don't think I would do it again," my newly-married friend surnamed Li complained to me about his wedding ceremony. 

Li told me that he woke up at 6 am to dress up and went to the bride's house on the sixth floor to collect her at around 9 am. After getting teased by the bride's girlfriends that had gathered there, Li finally reached his love and carried her downstairs on his back to the wedding car.

"I had to bribe those girls with red envelops with money inside so they would hand over my girl, and that was only the very first part of the ritual," Li said resignedly. "Those were the tasks I need to pass to be a qualified husband."

Another friend of mine echoed Li's complaint. But besides the high cost, she cited outdated rituals that made her and her husband look like clowns on the stage rather than those to be blessed by guests, adding that she arranged the wedding only for their parents on both sides.

Modern Chinese weddings have been largely influenced by the West and brides usually wear a western style flowing gown often in white, which is not considered an auspicious color in China, and the bridegroom always wears a suit. 

However, the ceremony is not the place where the marriage is legalized. It is registered at a local government office ahead of the ceremony that takes place at a plush hotel instead of a church.

A couple prepares for the marriage ceremony over several months and spends huge sums on photography, honeymoon, wedding planning, banquets and car rental.

Take Beijing as an example. The most recent data show that newlyweds in Beijing spent 280,000 yuan ($39,683) on average, equivalent to what an ordinary young person in Beijing earns in over two years. 

Some Chinese millennials then started to question the tradition of preparing for a wedding considering that it is expensive, burdensome, time-consuming and stressful. They ask: Can we just save the money, time and energy for ourselves?

My 25-year-old roommate is a perfect example. He is one of those open-minded "new new humans." He skipped the ceremony, which he satirized as "the meaningless show," and the newly married couple used all the money meant for the wedding to travel around Europe for a month. 

"We climbed the grand Eiffel Tower, visited the magnificent Chateau de Versailles, boated in the beautiful River Cam, had a wonderful dinner near the ancient Colosseum, and spent a cozy night at a luxury hotel along the fascinating Aegean Sea," he said in a passionate voice. "That was an experience!"

My former college classmate who is also in his 20s said that as both he and his wife are career-driven, they utilized the money that was supposed to be spent on their wedding to invest in their company and never regretted the decision.

"The most important thing is that we love each other, that's all," he emphasized.

Nevertheless, many people do not agree with a ceremony-free marriage. Still many Chinese netizens think that a wedding ceremony is necessary as a sacred ritual and love needs a sense of ritual to leave a shared and precious memory for couples and their family members. 

"Having a perfect wedding on a beach is something that I have been fantasizing since I was a little girl," one commented. "I want my father to hand me over to my Mr Right with my relatives and friends as witness."

Chinese society is changing fast amid high economic growth. Some people follow and protect traditions; others break them. There is nothing right or wrong about whether a wedding ceremony is necessary as long as one's choice suits him/her. And most importantly, love matters. 

The author is a reporter with the Global Times. sunhaoran@globaltimes.com.cn